Sunday, November 30, 2008

No blogging any more

I started blogging to give words to my thoughts... And blogging makes me think more, thinking more makes me curse life more, Cursing brings negativity and ends up making me a psychotic person which I never want !!
So I give up writing, I mean blogging for sometime now...
I really need to "get a life"

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

IIT Delhi online Pride/parade

Today, that is 26th November,2008 started the online pride parade for all IIT alumni across the world. I got a message from my friend requiring me to change my status on G-talk to my entry number. I promptly checked for status of my colleagues, they all have changed it to their respective entry numbers. I almost instantly changed it, without thinking and this was the first time I did it without thinking. But then I was really curious about what it is all about. I asked many of my friends, but got a neutral response from most of them , some were defensive , and told me that they did not start it so they are not the correct person to ask, some were just going with the flow, but I did not find anybody curious like me to find the reason behind all this and whats the logic. Some mistook it for a parade, but to make it clear it is just to make u feel pride of being an IIT-alumni. It was amazing to be confronted by the fact that most of them were blindly following it, or maybe it should be like that and I was only one thinking soo much on it, or maybe the my opinion is limited only to my friends.
But neway jo bhi hai, it felt good after looking at all the status with entry numbers, and reminding myself of my own. It used to be the most important thing of IIT life. It was more of a nostalgia than pride. But the end game is that it felt good, so no more thought process.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Not a Confession
I may be the most emotional person, and I like people to respect my emotions, but if I don't respect their's how can I even expect them to respect mine. But being in the flow of emotions, sometimes I just lose control over my words and may end up doing something which I don't want people to do with me. But god has blessed some people with such a graceful attitude that they don't react to my insults, but some do. And the harder I try to understand this, the more I get lost. SO I better stay away from bonding with people, and disturbing their life. I would rather wanna be lost in myself, and it doesn't even matters even if I insult myself, discourage myself, I have solutions for all them, but no one can ever take back their words.This doesn't mean that I wanna be lost in my world of dreams again, I have quit dreaming, it only makes mirages of life which are false images, which have to break one day or other, and with me knowing the fact there is no sense in pursuing them. I wanna walk with myself. It is me with me, me against myself ,and me encouraging me now. There's no other divine feeling than to spread happiness, live for somebody's happiness, but u need to be happy to spread it, otherwise all you do is selling a dream, which is senseless.
Also, I can forgive but never forget. This stands true only for certain situations in my life, when I was really hurt. But even after knowing that I cannot express my feelings to that person, I just go on and on. Either I should forget after forgiving, or never forgive. But I never believe in revenges, so the former works for me.
I never want to hurt anybody. The person who I can disturb the most is me myself. Rather I should say that this is what is in my mind. But I can never implement it. I just end up creating a mess, may be due to the spectrum of emotions and thoughts I have. But I don't have a solution against it till now, hoping for time to show me the path. And luck and me have never been on speaking terms, so I just leave rest on to my destiny.
Finally, the things which I want the most in life, the things of which I dream all my life, I just never make the effort to get them. I dream of them , and start believing that my task is done. And when I get a reality check that it isn't true, I just break up into pieces.Basketball is my favorite sports, but to be honest I have really never struggled hard for it. I just dreamed myself flying in air and dunking over a 6 foot guy, making that jab move, passing that alley-oop, getting the ball in air, and smash there goes the dunk. And the very next day I get to the court dreaming of myself as the star player, and when I get to know that my shoots are also not going in, I just can't bear it and start finding faults in something else.And then maybe if I have a lucky day, I may give a chance to the practice sessions, and try and improve my game, which might help for quiet sometime, but then again there goes the dreamer, back in his fairy land, where everything is possible without any effort.I always want it the easy way, never strive for anything. Basically m a lazy person looking for somebody to come and show me the path, and finally realizing that I was on the path I only needed to wake up and walk.

- Myself

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Das Vidaniya

This is no movie review, neither am I any movie critic to do so. But this movie is one of the movie which touched me. It just grabbed my heart and pumped it, made it beat faster, it glued my eyes to it. Though I was not at all sentimental during the movie. But had a great feeling after watching it. Many of us including me spend the life being an introvert pretending to be an extrovert sometimes. And for me the scene is even worst, I cannot even pretend to be an extrovert for long. I give up to the worldly emotions. But the main concept is to be an extrovert to yourself, you should be clear what you want in life, and for me that is peace. I had written something similar earlier, so don't feel like writing it again.
But the main funda is to be true to yourself, and not be lost in the race soo much that we lose focus from the aim. Its true there are no beginnings and no ends, but the momentary starts and ends really matter in life, those small journey which add up to the bigger round trip (coz we come back from where we started) called life are also important.We can achieve almost anything we want in life, it just depends on the choice we make. But we are so much lost in it that we forget to make the choices.

The second good thing I liked in the movie is that he[main lead] can achieve all the elementary things without any trouble, but when it comes to his closed ones it is all a different ball game. He is too much hurt that he wants to commit suicide. So emotions are delicate things, and treat them as one, don't play with them.

Finally to summarize, life is a journey in which we have to walk alone, and we don't know of the destination, but we have to enjoy the trip, and make sure we don't miss anything. Some spend their life searching for the end results, till they experience it, some are lost in the way so much that they never even have the chance to experience the journey. Also love is an important ingredient of life.If you have someone to walk with you on the path of life, the journey becomes more sweet, enjoyable and less tiring. I define love as a Car, which helps travel miles on the road of life, the luxury of car varies from person to person. But the main problem is some people spend their life searching for a driver, and never look for the car. The beautiful thing is that once you get into this car it never needs to be repaired or fueled. It just goes on till you have the driver :).And last but not the least, truly there are hurdles, there are setbacks, but why behave as a stranger to your own life. Face it and get away with it. Spread happiness, be a little selfish in making the life you are living in, more happier and merrier. And also if you start critically thinking of anything you can find faults in each and every damn part of life, and if you start thinking like this you can never live life, can never walk on the road. So stop judging, start accepting !!If you can do something for it, do it right away, but never judge..
Walk with your feet on ground and head held high in sky. The empty road is looking towards you and wanting you to traverse it happily !!


Monday, November 17, 2008

Had a Nice Day..... :)

Had this happened 2 years before I would have projected it as the worst day of my life, this post wud not even have come into existence. But there is a new positive energy in me these days. It so happened that I had to go for a visit to Nuclear Power Plant with co-internees from all over the world working at different parts in Switzerland. Most of them, I have met earlier almost all of them. We had to be at the platform at 8:24 in the morning to catch the train. I reached there at 8:15 well dressed, and perfectly ready. If you know me this would be a strange thing to see, coz I never wake up befor 9, and then getiing up from bed is all different story. So as was expected people were really amazed, they were least expecting me. Anyway we moved on. We boarded the train, and after around 20 minutes of travel we reached Dottingen, where a bus was waiting to take us to the Power Plant. Suddenly someone asked that do u all have ur passports and bang, I realised I was the only one not carrying it.Soon, I was in a rush to go back and get the passport anyway, I was talking to the organiser that I can get back in an hour and can I be allowed at that time. While I was doing this, some of my colleagues were sitting in the bus, some were really worried for me. And it was a nice feeling to realise atleast you have some people in a stranger country who care for you, and even from whom it was least expected. Look in her eyes were that of a worried mind, and I dont know how I could console her, so rather than saying anything I just hurried back home. Then somehow, on the way back I managed to miss the train, and reached the Dottingen station 1:30 hours late. Now I had to take the Bus from there, and the main thing was that I just knew the name of the region power plant was located in. I sat in the bus. It was going through all those beautiful meadows, hill after hill it was crossing. I was just enjoying the view and was planning to come here next weeken for a hike.Suddenly I realised that I had travelled for about 30 minutes in the bus and still not reached anywhere, and hold on a second do I know where I wanna reach. I immediately appeared in front of the bus driver asked him about the Power plant, and it is so very much difficult to communicate in German when you know only a few words from the language. But somehow I managed to both ask him ,and understand his answer. I had missed the stop and if I get down at next stop I can take the next bus back. I got down, crossed the road ,justz to check on the schedule at the bus stop that next bus is in 2 hours. At first I just laughed at my destiny, that how graceful god is, I know I could not come next week for the hike coz it is gonna be snow, so god gave me an oppurtunity to live my dream today. Also from far away I could see the power plant, and dream of reaching there in time was clouded. As the tour was only for 3 hours. And even if I rushI would just be there in time to see all of smiling faces coming out.So I just thought relax ,and enjoy the nature. I was on a highway, cars going at around 200 past me. I diverged my path a little bit,and started walking towards the hill. Man, the view was just mind blowing, and winter was also on its peak. But I was really enjoying it. I had no regrets of the day. It was all seeming so perfect.I was feeling good to get up early in the morning, to realise that there are people who care, to realise that god helps fullfill my wishes. And if there had been someone who I had shared it with at that very moment, I would have got all the negative energy with all the negative thoughts of being lost. But I did not want to lose all this happinees. I just wanted to be lost in my own world for some time. Generally this happens, coz most of the people look at the negative side of all the things I tell them I had done, so to avoid all that negative energy I just tell this to all of them negatively, that I have lost it and all. And then instead of giving negative energy people console me. But today I did not want to be involved in all this ambiguity. I just had a positive feeling. And nobody could have changed it at that moment. Than I felt like talking to a "person", whom I know would never give me that negative energy, would appreciate me, though her words may suggest the opposite. I ended up calling her, and tell her all the story ,and she came up to my expectations. It felt good to talk to her and share all this, though I exhausted all my balance and was left with no contact to the outside world.
Then I walked past all those hills and green pastures of land. Really it looked green till the horizon. I was at the country side. Walking I witnessed a single house in middle of nowhere. It was really beautiful and strange, I hope nobody used to live there. But it had all those small dolls kept all around it. There were some sitting on the fence as the guardians, some at the windows njoing the weather. It was so sweet experience to see all this. Then soon I could see the city. As I was approching it I managed to get lost again. I just ended up in a field with nowhere to go further. Then I happened to see a tractor coming my way.I asked the tractor driver that which way should I go. He got off his tractor and walked me to the road and showed me the way and went back only when he was convinced that I knew the way. How helping are people of Switzerland. Then finally after a little while I found a bus stop, and reached the Dottingen station. And I saw all the people from my group waiting there for the next train, as they come every hour. It was about to come in next 5 minutes. I had to buy the ticket, also everybody was interested in knowing where I was all the time. I was anxiously telling them, and contradicting them that I really had a Nice Day....And buying the ticket was again a long story, but the conclusino was that I missed the train and had to wait at the platform for next 1 hour. And one of our crew member was soo nice to wait on the platform for me. Then I noticed that I could see the sun. How lucky I was,if I would have been on that train I would not have been able to see this beautiful scene of sun illuminating the surroundings all around. Then the guy waiting with me advised to go to a nearby cafe and spend some time. I took a Hot Chocolate and a Chocolate Truffle and njoied it in the warm sun. It was really mind freshning. Finally I took the train and went back home with all these sweet memmories and memorable experiences....
And I conclude that I HAD A NICE DAY

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I remember a famous dialogue from a movie which I used to admire the most during college life...It goes like "Jimmy says, if you love someone you say it, right then, aloud, otherwise the moment just passes you by".... So true.. !!
Life is not definite, like two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen make water every time, every time... !! Things change with time, and so do feelings.. Not only love, the rule stated above applies to everything. At a time you dream of something in life, and at that time you have full energy to do that, you have visualized your target in your dreams. You should start working on it, I had rather say try and do it at that time only. Coz as the time passes by and you wait for situation to become favorable, which it will never be more favorable than you having the full zeal. All other external factors are least important, it matters how much you value it !! Also this idealogy is task specific. Some tasks are meant to be done with some delay , and you might have dreamt them also in such a way, u need to wait, but in process of waiting you should not also lose focus..
Above all as Jimmy says, she says about love, and that is also an important thing in life, gives you a trust, gives you a confidence, gives you a rope to cling on to during the high tide time of life. And mind you this is a kind of opportunity which does not comes time and again, and the beautiful thing is that you don't have to be cautious enough to know its presence. You will know it by yourself. So enjoy the beautiful life and never forget what "jimmy says "...
Also as Joker truly say... click here


Monday, November 10, 2008

Humour is a very sensitive thing.............

Humour is a tendency of certain cognitive experiences to provoke laughter and provide amusement.Having a sense of humour is a good attribute. What can be better than to make people laugh, to distribute happiness, to give people some moments to forget the pains of their life. But having a good sense of humour is something else. Everybody can be funny at times, and make people laugh. But a person can truly distribute happiness if he himself is happy. Also one important thing is that one should be strong enough to laugh on himself. But this is not enought to go and make people laugh. These are just the pre-requisites. Afterall being a joker is not everybody's cup of tea.
It is not that you crack jokes at every action and everyone. It is good if you can do that sensibly, and make people laugh. But a person with a good sense of humour is one who makes everybody listening to it laugh. It should not be that only few people are laughing and other are being laughed . At times it goes with the moment. But the person(s) who are being laughed on should not be hurt by your words. Then it is no humour anymore...
So spread happiness if you can, and if you can't just enjoy your own .. !!


Sunday, November 09, 2008

Words matter....

I used to be the person to whom words never mattered. It used to be the feelings which I valued the most...Used to have those abstract communications with people and keep on thinking that there is no communication gap.. But recently I have realized that words really matter, but if there are no feelings and only words, somehow, someday it would be caught as a fake, and should never be pursued.. But if there are feelings, they should necessarily be accompanied by nice words, otherwise all goes in vain, it is not worth it.It so happened that my only friend for whom I care the most in this universe,I will cry if she is sad, I will be happy in her happiness, I will try to solve each and every issue disturbing her life (though keeping the solutions to myself, rather than conveying them), whose every word I value in life, almost each moment I think about her, and cant imagine at least my present without talking to her ,don't feel like finding anybody else, coz nobody seems to be better than her. But somehow when she recited me some nice words, though they dint had any tune, they were not any song, but they seemed to me as a song of my life, with which I can live without any regrets ... Then I realised that words really matter.. And also they should exactly reciprocate feelings from your heart, no psuedo-thigies.. .otherwise everything seems to be pseudo, and no matter how hard you try then you can never return back to living your dreams, because dreams are pure not psuedo. Being good with my words is a habbit I would like to make a part of my life.
Earlier I used to think that if there is communication gap, then the talk is not worth it. But my definition of communication gap used to lack the basic substance in it. When there is no communication how can there even be a communication gap.. firstly u need to communicate. I mean u need to say some words. Then the other thing that matters is that, you should know the other person so well that you should know how to communicate your message.. And if then there is a communication gap, that is you don't even know that how you can get him/her to understand your feeligs, that is you don't even know what he/she might interpret about your words, I guess than it is not worth it. (And here I'm not talking about proffessional issues, there you have to communicate some way or the other, no emotions involved there)..

Anyway, to cut the crap, rather than blogging, writing too much, I must also learn to speak and express my feelings.. And in a way that other person should understand them the way I want them to be conveyed.. !!


Friday, November 07, 2008

Ambiguity - 1

To add to the list of so many ambiguities in my life, I recently found one more. I’m emotional by nature, I know and that I cannot change how hard I try. I have extra tear glands, I know. I don’t wanna think of me being emotional, coz this will make me more emotional, and the vicious circle will go on. I better stay away from this and go on with life. But if life had been so simple, why would there be vacancies for people like Psychologist, and why would people a weird subject as Humanities in their Engineering degrees. So the thing is that life is a bit complex to understand, but simple to live J. And as for me the ambiguities keep on coming to me as somebody smashed a mathematical problem, and I had been told to solve it , and also the difficulty of the problem is directly proportional to the time I spend in solving it, that is the difficulty level goes on increasing with time. And all these problems are smashed on my soul by nobody else but by myself. I make them and spend time finding solutions to them. And as soon as a problem is over, randomly do I rest before starting a new search. This is endless. And the latest one is related to the attachments we have with certain things in life. When I’m attached to somebody or something, which I do very fastly, it is very hard for me to absorb the departure of that entity from my life. And when I know the end is near, I prefer to better be away, but then I always think that why be away even before the departure. And this puts more stress on my limbic system. And if I try to be as usual, I constantly remind myself that one day it will be all gone and it will hurt, so better don’t involve that much. And after that point I cannot be normal for sometime. I never had a solution to this ambiguity in my life. I have just spent endless time solving it and increasing its complexity, and finally diverting my attention to some other existing problem.
I guess this problem is not meant to be solved.. It is meant to be there unsolved to always tell us the existence of life, and put some sparkles in it, to tell us the value of someone else. So better take it as a healing process than a destruction process. I mean go on solving it, but don’t get involved. More it gets complex, more you will get to know the profound qualities of this beautiful life. It is like the story of Sisyphus. After all, a man condemned to pushing a rock up a hill with full knowledge that it will roll back down, requiring him to start pushing anew, is not the sort of story that you'd expect to have a happy ending. Even the rock of our self-exploration happens to roll back down; we will have learned quiet a many things. But the beauty is that it never rolls down. There are a whole lot of people in life who will never let it roll back down…..

Monday, November 03, 2008

When you are young you think you can connect to many people,
Later in life you realize that it only happens a few times .. !!