Monday, November 24, 2008

Not a Confession
I may be the most emotional person, and I like people to respect my emotions, but if I don't respect their's how can I even expect them to respect mine. But being in the flow of emotions, sometimes I just lose control over my words and may end up doing something which I don't want people to do with me. But god has blessed some people with such a graceful attitude that they don't react to my insults, but some do. And the harder I try to understand this, the more I get lost. SO I better stay away from bonding with people, and disturbing their life. I would rather wanna be lost in myself, and it doesn't even matters even if I insult myself, discourage myself, I have solutions for all them, but no one can ever take back their words.This doesn't mean that I wanna be lost in my world of dreams again, I have quit dreaming, it only makes mirages of life which are false images, which have to break one day or other, and with me knowing the fact there is no sense in pursuing them. I wanna walk with myself. It is me with me, me against myself ,and me encouraging me now. There's no other divine feeling than to spread happiness, live for somebody's happiness, but u need to be happy to spread it, otherwise all you do is selling a dream, which is senseless.
Also, I can forgive but never forget. This stands true only for certain situations in my life, when I was really hurt. But even after knowing that I cannot express my feelings to that person, I just go on and on. Either I should forget after forgiving, or never forgive. But I never believe in revenges, so the former works for me.
I never want to hurt anybody. The person who I can disturb the most is me myself. Rather I should say that this is what is in my mind. But I can never implement it. I just end up creating a mess, may be due to the spectrum of emotions and thoughts I have. But I don't have a solution against it till now, hoping for time to show me the path. And luck and me have never been on speaking terms, so I just leave rest on to my destiny.
Finally, the things which I want the most in life, the things of which I dream all my life, I just never make the effort to get them. I dream of them , and start believing that my task is done. And when I get a reality check that it isn't true, I just break up into pieces.Basketball is my favorite sports, but to be honest I have really never struggled hard for it. I just dreamed myself flying in air and dunking over a 6 foot guy, making that jab move, passing that alley-oop, getting the ball in air, and smash there goes the dunk. And the very next day I get to the court dreaming of myself as the star player, and when I get to know that my shoots are also not going in, I just can't bear it and start finding faults in something else.And then maybe if I have a lucky day, I may give a chance to the practice sessions, and try and improve my game, which might help for quiet sometime, but then again there goes the dreamer, back in his fairy land, where everything is possible without any effort.I always want it the easy way, never strive for anything. Basically m a lazy person looking for somebody to come and show me the path, and finally realizing that I was on the path I only needed to wake up and walk.

- Myself

3 Jee khol kar likh dijie ..:

deeps said...

the good that we want to do, we dont do,
and the evil that we try to shun, we end up doing. ....

life is like that ....

having a look at the mirror of life will give us an idea as to how look in the eyes of others!

A learner said...

But the end game is that it doesnt matter how I look to others..If I would have ever cared about that, this blog wud never have come.. ;)
Its not about how you look to others, its all about standing in front of mirrors and looking into own eyes at the end of the day.. !!

deeps said...

the day isnt done yet!

heyy noo... no xams for me ..